Seriously, now?

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said : "No hablo ingles."

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. - Mae West

Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender. - Homer Simpson

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. - Jack Benny